It started as a soccer game, but due to the cold weather an epic battle was formed. Today was not about skill on the pitch, it was not about talent, it was not about which team was superior. Today was Iron Chef Santonio: Battle Man Tights. The Iron Chef John Bergman known for his use of sweat pants and a daunting pornstache faced a willing challenger from the Diablos in grey haired Racquetball man(not to be confused with knee pad racquetball guy). Today's categories for judgment are STYLE: which player pulled looked better in his man tights.
Originality: which player took risks.
Game Play: which competitor played better in said Man Tights.
Style: Iron soccer chef Bergman comes out swinging sporting his black Man Tights, white socks and white jersey.
Raquetball man comes out with blue tights, red socks and a red jersey
This one easily goes to Bergman b/c he matched his Man Tights to the Uniform. One could even argue that he was so stylish he looked like the fastest player on the pitch.
Bergman 1
Racquet 0
Originality: Bergman has been sporting the pornstache since his days of active fucking back in the 70's. The tights looked much better than his usual sweat pants attire. Raquetball man: What can you say about a man that can make his 7:10 raquetball game and without the aid of a phone booth put on his Man Tights and make the 9:00 futbol match. The grey hair brought out the shine of his blue tights. This one is not even close
Raquet 1
Bergman 1
Game Play: Towards the end of the match, they finally went one on one. Racquet dribbled the ball through and took it straight at Bergman. Bergman held his ground and stole the ball from Racquet. Bergman was solid all day on defense and when Racquet was moved to goalie he dropped PBlische's infield fly and the ball popped into the goal.
The Winner of Iron Chef Santonio: Battle Man Tights
by a score of 2-1 --
John Fucking Bergman!
Game Summary
Slow start to the game as the referees don't even show up until 9:15 allowing Kblische to gets his first start of the season. FSFC begin the game playing 1 man short and are still able to control the action. When Russ gets to the game after sewing some poor SOB up, the stars have a full squad- for about 3 minutes as Romo sustains a vaginal stretch and is forced to the sidelines. Romo rubs his clit and makes a return visit to the field(btw don't taunt #19 or this is what gets ritten about you). Not much happens, Barnes gets back from church, exercises his lustful demons with a little roadie masturbation and gets to the field just in time to replace Romo.
end of half FSFC 0 Diablos 0
Goalie change Greg Lilly takes over for the napping PBlische
PBlische makes the move to forward and the results are instant- begin to play better with Russ on one half and Berardo on the other. The diablos were finally over matched as the stars finally had a full squad. FSFC move and work the ball down the left and right halves at will- finally resulting in a nice cross to PBlische at the 18 who powers a floater at Raquetball goalie- ball hits him in the hands and chest and pops out and in for a goal
FSFC 1 devils 0
Fading Stars continue to dominate- especially Darilek. Darilek absolutely destroys the fag wearing gloves and skating shorts 5 times in a row. With the middle shut down the stars are able to do just about anything they want. A steal by #19 who gets whacked in the knee results in a free kick. KBlische takes the only play out of the Don Nelson Churchill soccer playbook- a quick restart. He makes a sweet pass to PBlische who is one on one with the keeper - PBlische makes Raquet man look like a retard making love to a popsicle and scores easily.
FSFC 2 los putos 0
not much else happens
FSFC 2 Diablos 0
Goal of the Game: Pblische from Kblische on the quick restart- that caught everyone on the field off guard
Goat of the Game: Jihad just b/c
Quote of the Game: PBlische- dude check it out the guys in tights are battling it out
Yellow Cards- none
Red Cards- none
Goals: Pblishce 2(2)
Goals allowed: Pblische 0(4), Lilly 0(4)
Starting Lineup:
GK Pblische
FB Lilly
FB Bergman
Sweep Tommy
Stop Darilek
HB FnJ
HB Berardo
CM KBlische
CM Romo
F #19
Subs:
Woodard- showed up 15 minutes into the game
Barnes - showed up just before halftime
NO SHOWS:
- Jihad- said he would be there
- Berryman
- Banty rooster Jacobs
- Bodo
- Briana Acala
- MigJet- herpes inflammed
- Kendall
- Alan White
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