Summer 1 2009 Game 8 FSFC 7 SA Old Boys 1

Schertz Soccer Complex Field No. 12 6.28.09

9:00 a.m. SA Old School vs Fading Stars

• In the pregame meeting with Gary, he announces that this is a new/old team that is just starting- #19 thanks Gary for the cupcake as things have been rough
• FSFC roll out a makeshift lineup with 6 idiots still putting on their boots- Old School runs out 9 plus a goalie- 10 if you count the really fat guy
  
• Once things settle in it becomes apparent that Old Skool is going to run a trap all the way up to midfield- not the best idea when playing without a left hb
• Section 1 for Jacobs and Darilek: 6 offsides later the FSFC break thru and #19 gets 1v1 with the keeper who slides at #19 who plays the ball wide, jumps and the keeper grabs his ankle- #19 keeps going and by the time he gets the ball he bodo'd his angle to shoot- #19 drops it to a wide open Jihad who misses the shot
• FSFC keep pressing and eventually the ball ends up on the boot of CRex who shoots, gets it blocked, recovers the ball, knocks it around, then finally CHIPS a left footer into the upper 90 1-0 FSFC
• Old School keep pressing offensively and really aren't paying much attention to defense-
• Section 2 for Jacobs and Darilek - FSFC win a corner in the box- #19 chases the ball 40 yards onto the other field and is forced to run all the way back to the corner to take the kick. #19 takes a beautiful bending corner- of course the ball was sposed to start bending at the endline and not the 18- anyways Old School easily transitions the ball all the way to the FSFC 18 where they fuck it up- Are you two ass clowns happy?
• FSFC keep defending and getting called offsides
• Jacobs gets a yellow card for sexually harrasing an old school player
  
• Finally a ball dangerous ball gets played into the box and the keeper chargers it, collides with his own defender and ABobby1, the ball pops loose and is corralled by the sweeper inside the 6, #19 pressures the sweeper who is able to dribble wide of the goal and he clears the ball right into a jumping #19's Ass- Ball takes a sweet carom off of the freshly shaved right butt and it is massed perfectly into the net- ASS GOAL 1 FSFC 1 Old School 0
• Halftime FSFC 2 Old School 0
• FSFC Make it Rain
• Biz gets loose down the right half, beats his last defender and puts a beauty cross into the box- #19 chests the ball down and slots the ball between the charging keeper and defender into the net- FSFC 3 Hangover was funnier 0
• ABobby1 gets loose outside the 18, dribbles some folks and unleashes a low cracker that easily beats the keeper 4-0
• Biz gets loose down the right half again, beats his defender and crosses only this time his cross is a low spinner that somehow finds its way an inch inside the post 5-0
• Old School play the kickoff deep to their forward who easily beats 3 defenders and a lethargic keeper 5-1
• Bergman decides to get into the goal fray and starts pushing up from the sweeper spot- Awhite plays a ball to Bergman who takes it deep in the box and lays the ball back to the 18 where #19 one times the pass into the netting 6-1
• Jacobs starts getting into it with the old school forward that scored- forward fouls the shit out of Jacobs on 50/50 ball- they kiss and make up
• Jihad gets sprung- did i mention they were still trapping at midfield? Jihad is ahead of the defender and all that is between him and goal is green dirt and the keeper- Keeper charges and Jihad hits a beauty chip that hits center netting 7-1
• Up 7-1 Romo insists that we start practicing getting called offsides some more
• Old School counters and Jacob's favorite forward is bringing the ball across the 18- Berryman fouls the shit out of the forward causing him to collapse like a pile of shit the guy grabs the ball with his hands and Jacobs decides that clearing the ball is the appropriate play- Jacobs kicks the ball while it is in his hands and it finds a nice resting spot on the guys nose-
  
• He gets up pushes Jacobs, does the manly wait for my teamates to grab me before talking shit move- Both get yellow cards and Jacobs gets a red card up 7-1
• FINAL FSFC 7 SA Old School 1

Lineup

GK Ken Blische
FB Bergman
FB Berryman
ST/SW Darilek
CM CRex
CM ABobby1
HB Bobby2
HB Biz
F #19
F Jihad

Bench
Jacobs
Berardo
AWhite
Romo
Kneals

Goals: #19 3(6) ABobby1 1(1) CRex 1(1) Jihad 1(2) Biz 1(2)
Assts: Biz 2(3) AWhite 1(1) Bergman 1(1)
GAllowed: Ken Blische 1(11)

Cards
Yellow Pills Jacobs 1(1)
Red Pills: Jacobs 1(1)

Awards n Shit

• This is much easier to write after a win
• The offense woke up- about fucking time
  

Offensive MVP: Biz- 2 Assists and a cross/goal
Defensive MVP: Berryman for getting Jacobs tossed
Tackle of the Game: Berryman- the dirty slide tackle that led to the ejection of Jacobs
Goal of the Game: The ASS GOAL- GAME WINNER
Goat of the Game: #19 for the Beasley like corner that damn near led to a goal
Pussy of the Game: Bobby2- a pink fucking chair to sit in? next thing you know you are gonna be rooting for that fag school in Austin while wearing your PETA shirt and petting your My Little Pony doll
Asshole of the Game: Jacobs- how the fuck do you get tossed from a game up 7-1?





Goals
#19 3(6) Alex 1(1) Cblische 1(1) Jihad 1(2) Biz 1(2)
Assts: Biz 2(3) AWhite 1(1) Bergman 1(1)

Summer 1 2009 FSFC 1 Military FC 3

NEYSO Specht Rd. Complex Field No. 9 6.21.09

9:00 a.m. Fading Stars vs Military FC

• For the first time in a long time the FSFC have 13 people at the pitch for the kickoff- helps that the game was delayed 6 minutes for the Military boys- Game starts 9 v 11
• #19 plays the opening tap to Romo, Romo passes to Bobby1, Bobby 1 dribbles two defenders plays a thru ball to #19 who runs it down inside the 18 and rips a wicked toe poke that catches the keeper napping 1-0 - 19 seconds in
  
• Game settles down after that- FSFC fail to put the hammer down as the ball spends too much time on the outside halfs
• Military FC bring on their full load of players and the game is pretty even, however the FSFC offense is still stuck in the season long sputter as several people still don't understand the offsides rule
• Glass Darilek goes out with another boo boo and the middle of the defense collapses- Military play a cross to the top of the 18 to the wide open CM who turns and shoots giving Ken zero chance at the side netter 1-1
• Minutes before halftime the Military HB plays a sky ball to FSFC 35, Jacobs mistimes his jump, the ball lands at the feet of the forward who takes off on a breakaway- Ken is unable to get down on the shot and the game is now 2-1 Military
• Halftime
  
• FSFC take control of possesion and work the ball effectively around the pitch- Big weakness in the defense on the Military right side as the HB refused to cross midfield-
• Bobby2 starts to exploit this winning multiple balls eventually Bobby2 gets off a beauty cross to #19 at the 12 who puts the bounding cross on target but without enough cayanned giviing the an easy save
• Jihad gets loose down the left side of the box and is 1v1 with the keeper- his shot goes so wide that Bobby1 tries to run the ball down but can't and its a throw in
• Awhite takes over for Bobby2 on the right half and continues the onslaught- Awhite crosses to #19 at the top of the box who sends a ball into the box where Bobby1 and Bodo fight over the loose ball with Bodo winning the ball and getting off a shot that the keeper gets a finger tip on and the ball misses by 2 inches
• Down 2-1 with about 15 minutes left, FSFC win a corner from the left side- Berardo, playing Left FB decides to take the kick leaving only Darilek and Tommy back at midfield- 9 men pushed up and you can guess the result
• Berardos corner is played high and too far out and is easily cleared by Military defender who plays it to midfield and the race is on- The entire left side of the pitch is vacant except for 2 Military players and a 5 v 1 situation ends in the third goal 3-1
• FSFC try to comeback, AWhite gets loose again down the right side, passes to #19 who passes to a wide open Bobby1 inside the 18- Bobby1's first touch is too rough and he is forced to settle the ball down before shooting wide of the net
• All she wrote
  
• FSFC 1 Military FC 3

Lineup Bench

GK Ken Bodo
FB Berardo AWhite
FB Bergman Tommy
SW Jacobs
ST Darilek
HB Bobby2
HB Jihad
CM Kneals
CM Bobby1
F #19
F Romo

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Goals #19 1(3)
Assts Bobby1 1(1)
Allowed: Ken 3(10)

Cards- None Fucking Amazing to have an English speaking ref

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Awards n Shit

Offensive MVP: Bobby1and Bobby2
Defensive MVP: Jacobs- but not by much
Quote of the Game: Ken- During the halftime dance contest- something about dancing a Jig and the other team
Goat of the Game: Bodo- showing up right at 9 and forgetting your boots
Goal of the Game: Toe Poker
Tackle of the Game: Berardo and his spinning crane kick

Summer 1 2009 Vids y Mas 6

Dear Abby,

So this chick with long legs and a sweet round ass walks in to the restaurant yesterday (sounds like the beginning of a joke)and of course I had to check to make sure her food was okay. She turned out to be Puerto Rican and a stripper at an all nude place in Austin. Needless to say I invited her out for drinks later. Being the classy guy that I am I had her meet me at Fiasco's for some beer 'n tequila. (Closer to the casa than Waldo's) After feeding her a couple of shots I was getting tired of her constant babbling but did I mention the sweet Peurto Rican ASS! Back to my place we went and down to business. She even carried on a conversation while getting stuck from behind! Amazing! Somewhere during the night I rolled over on my nice king size bed to pass out as she was still babbling when out came the quote of the night that made me feel like I had picked up a Hooter's girl. Just as I was almost out I heard, "Did this use to be a waterbed?" Yes I was too tired to start the "What the fuck are you talking about?" conversation. Since sticking her again in the morning and sending her on her merry way I have been perplexed by that question and am wondering if there is some type of conversion kit that I am not aware of or if she was truly, let's say Hooter's minded. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
signed,
Disease Free in Saytown

The state of US Soccer



This doosh needs to turn in the #19 kit



Dear Casey Kasem, I have a white friend that needs inpiration, please play Caucasian for Romo

Summer 1 2009 FSFC 3 Los Bomberos 3

NEYSO Specht Rd. Complex Field No. 15 6.14.09

9:00 a.m. Fading Stars vs Los Bomberos

• FSFC start the adventure with 6 field players for a good 10 minutes and don't even give up a shot
• Bobby2 saunters to the field, puts on his tennis shoes and makes 7
• AWhite and Bodo arrive smelling of cheap booze and robster craws giving us 9
  
• FSFC get the first shot of the game as Bobby2 gets loose on a long ball and misses wide by inches
• Still no shots for the Los Bomberos when TRex finally gets to the pitch
• Now we can play- TRex settles a ball at the 18 and hits a crack that the keeper dives to save,
• Jihad corrals the rebound and shoots it on frame, cleared by the defender right to Bodo who tucks the loose ball inside the post 1-0
• FSFC have done the impossible leading at halftime after playing short for 25+ minutes
• Halftime 1-0
• 2nd half and no subs, but hey we have 11- Things are under control defensively as the Bomberos can't do shit
• Handball is ruled at midfield giving the FSFC a free kick- Berardo chips a thru ball over the offsides trap and TRex runs on to the ball and has a straight line to the keeper- for once TRex doesn't fuck it up and buries his shot 2-0.
• The game is on cruise control, Trex starts taking players to dribbling school and misses by inches on a nice shot- game is over as the Bomberos still have zero scoring chances... and the the fun begins
  
• #19 is called for a foul on a 50/50 ball in the air- The player #19 fouled , The Twat, decides to start talking shit and puts his finger in #19's face
• #19 knocks the Twats hand down and the Twat kicks #19- Referee runs over gives the Twat a pink card then gives #19 a pink card for getting kicked-
  
• Down to 9 field players and the defense falls apart-
  
• Bomberos get a deep throw in that makes its way into the box where it skims off of Kblische's leg and past Ken for a goal 2-1
• 2 minutes later the Bomberos get a corner kick and somehow they manage to ping pong the ball into the net 2-2
  
• 5 minutes later, the Bomberos take the ball down the left side, cross to the middle where Berryman intercepts and clears the ball 4 yards and right to a Bombero player- who takes out a pen and paper writes Berryman a thank you note as he taps the ball in the net 2-3
• Last minute of the game and Kblische goes on a dribbling rampage and eventually draws a foul jsut outside the 18
• Kblische covered in nervous sweat linesup the his potential game saving shot resting on size 7 Ronaldihno replica shoes-
• Kblische hits his shot right into the fucking wall- game over thanks for nothing
• But wait theres more, order now and you we will throw in the ball rebounding right to Kblische who pops a floater at the goal that drifts like a monarch butterfly searching for a place to die and gently landing in the side netting- 3-3
• Final FSFC 3 Los Bomberos 3

Goals: Bodo 1(1) Trex 1(2) Kblische 1(3)
Assists: Berardo 1(1)
Allowed: Ken 3(7)

Red Pills: #19 1(1)
Yellow Pills: AWhite 1(1)

AWARDS and Shit

• Starting with 6 and ending with 8 (Tommy got hurted) 3-3 ain't a bad result
• Offensive MVP- Trex- the dribbling clinic was nice
• Defensive MVP- Kblische- despite the own goal playing short ain't fun
• Pussy of the Game- Darilek- its my birthday I don't want to play
  
• Goat of the Game- #19 getting kicked and tossed spoiled the party
• Goal of the Game- Kblische and his well planned free kick
  

Linuep

GK Ken
ST/SW Kblische
FB Tommy
FB Berryman
CM Jihad
CM Berardo
CM #19

Bench
Bobby2
AWhite
Bodo
TRex

Summer 2009 Vids y Mas 4

NEYSO Specht Rd. Complex Field No. 15 6.14.09

9:00 a.m. Fading Stars vs Los Bomberos

Summer 1 2009 Game 5 FSFC 3 Medina Utd 4

NEYSO Specht Rd. Complex Field No. 15 6.7.09

4:00 p.m. Fading Stars vs Medina United FC

• Per the outstanding attendance and performance all of games will be played at 4 pm from here on out
• First 20 minutes the game is played exclusively on the left half of the field and the ball is kicked out of bounds 46 times
• Water Break- yay
• After the water break a refreshed Romo makes a nice trap and shimmey shake and plays the ball to #19 who easily beats the sweeper and heads inside the 18 where a charging keeper is no match for #19's power shot that makes Lance's PKs look like a changeup 1-0
• Did I mention the 3rd string goalkeeper, Biz, yet? b/c he just might be the main character in this yarn
• FSFC defense makes the mistake of pulling a trap and getting the offsides call. Biz lines up to take the free kick and hits a 1 hopper a whopping 20 yards to a wide open opposing player who makes an easy trap and shoots at the open goal. Biz scrambles to get the shot and punches it right into the upper 90 1-1
• Multiple opportunities arise with closing the rate of Berryman's only pick up line- Julio misses a wide open header off a beautiful cross- Heading to half tied at 1
• 2nd Half and Kendall loses the battle for last on the field as Bodo once again tried his sneak on the field bullshit
• Kblische gets the ball in the middle and tries to run the play that always works dumping the ball to #19 and getting the return pass- Kblische choofs the pass but #19 is able to recover and slot a thru ball to a wide open Kblische who shoots a skipper from the top of the 18 that beats the keeper 2-1
• More goalie fun as Medina play a cross into the box that Biz gets a foot on and the ball spins backwards to an offsides Medina player that taps in the goal. Cluster fuck goals 2 FSFC 2
• Julio gets loose on a flick from #19 chips the keeper and the ball is on target for the middle of the goal. The ball takes a wicked bounce clearing the post by a good 5 feet
• Kblische takes a free kick from the FSFC 35 and the Medina midfielders are running a trap at midfield- Kblische hits Julio perfectly and he goes 1v1 with the keeper, the keeper gets a foot on the ball but Julio is able to recover and walk the ball into the net 3-2
• Shitty Goal #3- Ball gets crossed into the box, Kneals calls for the ball to clear- Bergman keeps running at the ball and Kneals hits the clear and Bergman once again manages to get his hand on the ball in the box- PK good 3-3
• Romo gets his head on a corner and manages to hit it right to the keeper- Medina counters and a guy shoots from 25 yards that is deflected by AWhite and the ball ends up upper 90 past the Biz 4-3 FINAl

Awards and Shit

• Offensive MVP- Jihad- dominated the left half in the 2nd half of the game
• Defensive MVP- Hard to give when you give up 4 but Darilek wins out of pity
• BeerVP- Kneals- almost lost it by leaving the beer in the car until after the game
• Goat of the Game- BIZ- Giving it to the Biz gives me great pleasure and sadness all at the same time just like sneaking the pinkie while watching HBO's acclaimed series Cathouse
  

Lineup

GK Biz
FB Bergman
FB Berryman
SW Kendall
ST Darilek
HB Jihad
HB Bobby2
CM Julio
CM Kneals
F #19
F Kblische

Bench
Tommy
Awhite
TRex
Romo

Summer 1 2009 Game 4 FSFC vs Rangers FC

Schertz Soccer Complex Field No. 12 5.31.09

11:00 a.m. Fading Stars vs Rangers FC

• Things look good as purple clad Opie is in the net
  
• Bodo is intimidated by the girl playing fullback
• Rangers are short players and Carlos sends over a 6'3 black guy to play striker for the Rangers which arouses Jacobs
  
• Game is ugly as the FSFC control the ball but struggle with that offsides thing
• Ball gets played towards right FB Berryman who makes a valiant effort to play the ball after tripping on his own feet- Forward ends up on a breakaway that Ken comes out gets the ball then as usual tackles the forward- no penalty for once
  
• #19 gathers a loose ball and hits a cross to Biz inside the 18- Biz brings the ball down, barely beats the 5'3 girl and passes to Jihad at the 12 who tucks the ball around the Purple keeper eater and just inside the post- FSFC 1 Rangers 0
• This is Jihads first goal in 10 months 3 days or a total of 307 days and 35 games- that is a hell of an accomplishment if it measuring JP and sobriety
• More offsides, more Romo yelling to play horizontal- Bodo gets loose 1v1 and Opie makes an easy save
• Halftime 1-0
• FSFC play with better possesion as the Rangers have all but given up any hope of beating the wall of Jacobs and Darilek
• Julio goes 1v1 with the girl FB and she stuffs his ass then wags her finger in his face like Dikembe Moutumbo
• Transition time as Jacobs gets a loose one in the FS box, plays a ball down the sideline that #19 saves from going out and hits Trex just past midfield. Trex takes on the defender then brings the ball into the box, and performs a perfect Bodo dribble off of the sweeper and back to his feet- Low shot near post beats Opie with ease. 2-0
  
• Nothing else happens of consequence
• Much needed victory but the offense still sucks

Goals: Jihad 1(1) Trex 1(1)
Assts: Biz 1(1) #19 1(1)
Allowed: Ken 0(4)
Cards: None

Offensive MVP: Jihad- 307 days without scoring- Berryman doesn't go that long between hookers
Defensive MVP: Jacobs- Ken had an easy day and Darileks ego can't handle this award
Goal of the Game: Jihad 10 months 3 days is a jail sentence for indecent exposure
WTF of the Game: Check out Bobby1 in this picture- Moobs on a skinny guy?
Quote of the Game: Biz- when 10 cars leave the fields causing a dust storm with 10 yards of visibility- "At least Jihad won't have trouble driving in this shit"

Lineup
GK Ken
FB Berryman
FB Bergman
SW Jacobs
ST Darilek
HB Biz
HB Jihad
CM Julio
CM Romo
F #19
F Bodo

Bench
Bobby2
Bobby1
Trex
Berardo